i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
