I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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