Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
