I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
vagina is talking i cant
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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