Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
