When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
