Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the day after is always just damage control
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
