I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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