I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
