why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
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I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
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She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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