Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He has the fingertips of a God
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