My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the condom got lost in my hair
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
