discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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