Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
