So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
