i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
and she was petting her beer can
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
