TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
