So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
