just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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