White coat. Heels.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
