don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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