I wanna bring you to show and tell
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
