Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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