So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
