i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
