Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
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