Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize