I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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