I hate all girls vehemently.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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