This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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