when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
