I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
