Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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