yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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