I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
