I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
