Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
