i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
