the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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