Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
