But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
