i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
