So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
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I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize