the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
