I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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