Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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