yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
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Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
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in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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