Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
