his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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