I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
