John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
