She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
