is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
