I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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