worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
