I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
