Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
