He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My pussy is not your playground.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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