somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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