i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
