OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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