Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
