She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
