What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
