i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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