i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
