I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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