I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
