my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
